While we are at it, here are some from the hospitality industry:
The menu in a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Bankok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM
Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE.
IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
In a Leipzig elevator:
DO NOT ENTER THE LIFT BACKWARDS, AND ONLY WHEN LIT UP.
Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.
Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel, Athens:
VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11 AM DAILY.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Outside a dress shop, Paris:
DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.
Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong:
LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.
Tailor shop, Rhodes:
ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.
From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
From a Russian book on Chess:
A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION HAS BEEN PLAYED.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Advert for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
STOP. DRIVE SIDEWAYS.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
In a Tokyo shop:
OUR NYLONS COST MORE THAN COMMON, BUT YOU'LL FIND THEY ARE THE BEST IN THE LONG RUN.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN.
Just received this!
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oasiscouple
- Posts: 456
- Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:55 am
- Location: Port Leucate, France
- Contact:
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oasiscouple
- Posts: 456
- Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:55 am
- Location: Port Leucate, France
- Contact:
Sorry for going off topic, but here are some label instructions:
On a blanket from Taiwan:
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by Japanese cyclists:
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT
On a New Zealand flea insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS
In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On an American Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
NOT FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY
On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED
On British Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS
On a Canadian child's Superman costume
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY
On some British frozen dinners
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in France
FITS ONE HEAD ONLY
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
WARNING - DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY
On a British Boots' "Children's" Cough Medicine
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING
On a blanket from Taiwan:
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by Japanese cyclists:
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT
On a New Zealand flea insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS
In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On an American Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
NOT FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY
On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED
On British Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS
On a Canadian child's Superman costume
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY
On some British frozen dinners
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in France
FITS ONE HEAD ONLY
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
WARNING - DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY
On a British Boots' "Children's" Cough Medicine
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING
Honi soit qui peu y boit
Not true strictly speaking as peanuts aren't nutsoasiscouple wrote: On British Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS
I have to admit to honking with laughter like a Canada goose at that one. The revenge of the small furry creatures! And only ladies who haven't waxed for a while need applyoasiscouple wrote: FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
Clearly we need audio posts. 
-
Jemima Copping
- Posts: 176
- Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 5:22 pm
- Location: Scotland
- Contact:
