Lay My Hat

I got myself caught-up in the great loo-roll debate this morning, viewtopic.php?t=24303&highlight= and am now struggling to focus on my day job.

We all have a different understanding of the needs & expectations of our guests, and so going the extra mile for some is heresy for others.

As a light-hearted diversion, and with reverence to the return to London theatre of the improvisation show, ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’, I thought this morning’s coffee break could be entitled “How Far Can They Push It.... Anyway?”, and go along the lines of:

Imagine you are drawing up a set of T&Cs which cover all the bases. Complete the following sentence with as much irony &/or sarcasm you can muster:

“We do provide X, but we don’t provide Y!"

Eg
We do provide some toilet rolls, but we don’t provide extra toilet rolls!

We do provide a garlic crusher, but we don’t provide a supply of fresh garlic!

We do provide beach towels, but we don’t provide a b****y picnic!

Over to you!

I had forgotten this, I meant to update the guest info folder at the time:

We do provide logs for the stove, we don't provide an axe!

After a very polite text request from a European guest midway through his stay.

You provide the "self" and we don't supply the catering.

mmg wrote:we don't provide an axe!

You sure it was for chopping logs? Family holidays can often be quite stressful. Did they ask for a spade too?

Good point russelt, they would have seen the spade in the shed.

No Sir, self-catering doesn't include a 'concierge', nor a light supper and breakfast. (nearly put 'concubine', bloody spell checker!)

Btw

Arrival time is 4p.m. that means here at the house, not your ferry arrival time at the port and then a 5 or 6 hour drive!

Afrique wrote:No Sir, self-catering doesn't include a 'concierge', nor a light supper and breakfast. (nearly put 'concubine', bloody spell checker!)

Oh, so you do usually provide the concubine,then!

PW in Polemi wrote:

Afrique wrote:No Sir, self-catering doesn't include a 'concierge', nor a light supper and breakfast. (nearly put 'concubine', bloody spell checker!)

Oh, so you do usually provide the concubine,then!

How very à la môde!

Moliere wrote:

PW in Polemi wrote:

Afrique wrote:No Sir, self-catering doesn't include a 'concierge', nor a light supper and breakfast. (nearly put 'concubine', bloody spell checker!)

Oh, so you do usually provide the concubine,then!

How very à la môde!

"Them concubines can't stand 'em, 8l00dy sharpe quills everywhere and they leave such a mess"