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Brochure title advice!!!

 
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soldomus



Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 21

PostPosted: Mon Jan 25, 2010 11:19 pm    Post subject: Brochure title advice!!! Reply with quote

Rolling Eyes Help! I decided to design a brochure in 4 languages(!) and already have problems with the first page! I am tryingto come up wit 1 sentence for the front of the brochure that explains there are two houses within private grounds to rent for short term periods. In other words, this is not a hotel, nor are we renting rooms within a house, but the grounds are private for the guests. Further it needs to be intelligible to people whose first language is not English.... There is more explanation inside the brochure but I want people to understand what it is without opening it as these brochures will be at tourist offices, etc... They will be mixed with hotel and boat rental, tours, etc, brochures, so I need to make sure the right people pick them up.
Here is the sentence I came up with (this will be underneath a nice picture, the logo, and the first line):
Morada do Sol - Cascais - Portugal
Two country houses with pool for holiday rental to small or large groups. 3km to beach and golf courses.

The issue is they are quite special, they are in a National Park 30km from Lisbon, and they share a 5000m2 private estate.

How can I say this better in 1 sentence to my target group? Is it good enough? My site is www.moradasol.com
Thanks for your help. sorry my first language is not English, and yes you guessed I next need to write the inside of the brochure and improve the site...
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Mountain Goat



Joined: 19 Apr 2006
Posts: 6095
Location: Leysin, Alpes Vaudoises, Switzerland

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 7:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe:

Two country houses for holiday rental to small or large groups, with pool(s?). 3kms to beach and golf courses.

Otherwise punters might think that you were just renting the pool.

Haven't you enough space to add something interesting? Like attractive, fabulous, superb? At least for the houses and pool....

MG
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HolidayPad - Site of the Year / Leysin Chalet Rental
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Margaret



Joined: 16 Jul 2007
Posts: 3579
Location: Bavaria and Mid Wales

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 8:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

NJot forgetting that Americans look for vacation rentals not holiday rentals......
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Margaret
www.bavarian-forest-holidays.com
www.bayer-wald-ferien.com
www.border-holidays.co.uk
www.twitter.com/BavarianForest
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soldomus



Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 21

PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 11:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What about this:

Two secluded country houses in private estate with pool for holiday rental to small or large groups. 3kms to beach and golf courses.

Otherwise punters might think that you were just renting the pool.

«Haven't you enough space to add something interesting? Like attractive, fabulous, superb? At least for the houses and pool....» --» not keen on these adjectives, the pictures say it's fabulous.
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