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Anal Complaints 2015
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Managing your guests
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zebedee



Joined: 12 Sep 2014
Posts: 1039
Location: yorkshire dales

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Please be aware that the car park is for communal use by all residents in the property. Therefore you would need to agree that the bouncy castle would need to be made available for all the other residents of the property.
Your booking co-incides with the national Hammer House of Horror Society annual re-enactment conference who have booked the remainder of the apartments during your stay
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aasta



Joined: 31 Aug 2009
Posts: 800
Location: Pe da Serra, Portugal

PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2015 10:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have just been entertaining OH with this thread (...really too funny!!) ...
A recent guest from a big city, who came for a walking holiday complained about the dust and dirt on the walking paths and the need for "real walking shoes"??? Rolling Eyes
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aasta


Last edited by aasta on Sat Sep 19, 2015 6:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Essar



Joined: 12 Jun 2011
Posts: 3244
Location: Bournemouth

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 6:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Essar wrote:
I have just had an email from a guest who has booked 4-nights during the half-term hols - "would it be possible to hire a bouncy castle and put it in the car park".

This is for an apartment, 2 adults & 2 small children - I have not yet replied as I will have a sleep on it to consolidate my thoughts and come up with a suitable response.

Any comic suggestions would be appreciated and maybe used.

I've just thought of one:
"Sorry, Billy Smart's circus is using the car park that week"


Thank you for the ideas; unfortunately, I have my sensible hat on and replied this morning that she wouldn't be able to hire a bouncy castle and put it in the car park because it my get clamped for not having a parking permit. She actually replied "okay thank you I just thought I would ask anyway".
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Bunny



Joined: 16 Oct 2013
Posts: 3387
Location: South of England

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This thread has morphed slightly but here's another one. Recent guests originally submitted the booking form and completed the guests' names section as:
Mom
Dad
Auntie Mavis
Uncle Reg
Tom, Dick, Harry.

In the address section they just filled in the name of the road.
Rolling Eyes
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teapot



Joined: 23 Oct 2013
Posts: 829
Location: Loire valley

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dick being the lead name? I'm guessing at Head for the surname Laughing
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Joanna



Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Posts: 931
Location: Chester, North West England & Sidmouth, East Devon

PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2015 10:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bunny - what did you say to them? I would have seen red and probably cancelled the reservation on the spot (Because we don't let to just any Tom, Dick or Harry Evil or Very Mad ).
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Jo

Joint owner of Baker's Cottage in Chester & Chandler's Cottage in Sidmouth
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catherinedonegal



Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 378
Location: Dunkineely, County Donegal, Ireland

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mouse wrote:
Laughing Laughing Laughing

Great thread! Restores my faith in human stupidity.

Luckily we have had none for a couple of years year now.

Mouse
x


I haven't read all the way through yet but I am laughing so much!
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catherinedonegal



Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 378
Location: Dunkineely, County Donegal, Ireland

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lester1meg wrote:
'It's too dark at night.'

I think they meant there are no streetlights in the middle of the Irish countryside.


LOVE IT! Very Happy
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catherinedonegal



Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 378
Location: Dunkineely, County Donegal, Ireland

PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Zur Alten Weinkelter wrote:
" Where can i buy English food " ?

Emmm try England where you have just come from Rolling Eyes

enjoy Germany Very Happy


*snorts* Very Happy
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catherinedonegal



Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Posts: 378
Location: Dunkineely, County Donegal, Ireland

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

GillianF wrote:
"We'd never have come if we'd known it would be this hot!"

This is France, in August.

and

"Do you provide breakfast in the cottage?"
"No, sorry."
"Oh, good. We'll book."


Clearly word of your cooking abilities has spread far and wide Very Happy
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LeManoir



Joined: 25 Sep 2015
Posts: 1
Location: Montpeyroux, Dordogne

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:01 am    Post subject: Anal complaints 2015 Reply with quote

"The roads are too winding" (we're in the Dordogne)

"It's too sunny"

"These yoghurts have fruit and too much sugar: we want natural, sugar-free" - and when these were supplied, they heaped lots of jam on top.

Another guest said "The knob on the slow cooker has melted." It transpired that his daughter had taken out the middle ceramic section, complete with lid and non-heat-resistant knob, added ingredients, and put it in the oven. "She's not very good with ovens".

Still, it's make one smile (not in front of the guests, though) . Very Happy
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salmoncottage



Joined: 23 Jan 2011
Posts: 294

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Our car had sand on it, If we'd known the beach was so close we'd have parked somewhere else"....... Confused
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Essar



Joined: 12 Jun 2011
Posts: 3244
Location: Bournemouth

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

"We notice there are two squares in Beverley - Saturday Market & Wednesday Market - do you know what days the markets are on?"

"Yes, Monday & Friday - alternate weeks during the summer and every other week during the rest of the year, except at Easter & Bank holidays when they are the day before or the day after."
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"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note"
"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise"
"As for my amnesia, I've had it as long as I can remember"
Real name: Steve
Gender: Male
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Bunny



Joined: 16 Oct 2013
Posts: 3387
Location: South of England

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Essar wrote:
"We notice there are two squares in Beverley - Saturday Market & Wednesday Market - do you know what days the markets are on?"

"Yes, Monday & Friday - alternate weeks during the summer and every other week during the rest of the year, except at Easter & Bank holidays when they are the day before or the day after."


Sorry haven't quite grasped that. So are you saying it could be on any day of the week? Laughing
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FelicityA



Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 2809
Location: Cotswolds

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

From guests who just left "Your fork is too heavy".

Me: "Oh sorry to hear that - which one exactly are you talking about"

"All of them. I dropped one and the plate smashed! I have never seen such heavy forks!"

Evidently, I have given them too good quality. Silver plated and yes, they are heavier than your average 'holiday cutlery' I suppose, but you are not supposed to drop them from a height onto china! (And if you do, you normally apologise, not blame the fork!)
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