Yep I agree something is bold is good but the first time I read this sentence immediately I clicked onto something else as it was so offputting I always work on the principal that I'm not unique and what I do others will do too and its such a shame as it actually a very good website after this sentence.
I like your simple enjoy 320 days of sun one though....
Think I'll re examine my own front page now....
Actually I really admire all your people who put your websites on here to be slaughted opps sorry added value too - I could never be so brave Good on you!
First Attempt
Hi Davey
Crisp and classy site. Only negative from my point of view is,
as already mentioned by Ju, no prices.
When I compare properties I like to have all the common facts
available and on that basis your property wouldn't make my final list.
Cheers
Ian
Crisp and classy site. Only negative from my point of view is,
as already mentioned by Ju, no prices.
When I compare properties I like to have all the common facts
available and on that basis your property wouldn't make my final list.
Cheers
Ian
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Hi Davey,
I'm with fibi on this - the text needs some serious work. Most of it is easily changed.
eg at the top of the page, over the pic, I like the "Welcome to Polaris World". And "welcome" as the tab for the home page is nice. But then your first sentence welcomes me to the site... Your site is just a tool to get me to book your apartment. Getting people to the site is not your aim so welcome them to your property, not the site.
The first sentence needs to be totally rewritten - it's trying to say too much and therefore says nothing. And then you repeat much of the info underneath...
The layout is nice, the pix are good and the place looks lovely.
But I'm with others who've pointed out there are no prices. If I were looking there I'm pretty sure I wouldn't waste the mere two minutes it would take to send an inquiry email cos I have no idea whatsoever if you're in my price range.
Hope this helps! Good luck with the rewrites.
I'm with fibi on this - the text needs some serious work. Most of it is easily changed.
eg at the top of the page, over the pic, I like the "Welcome to Polaris World". And "welcome" as the tab for the home page is nice. But then your first sentence welcomes me to the site... Your site is just a tool to get me to book your apartment. Getting people to the site is not your aim so welcome them to your property, not the site.
The first sentence needs to be totally rewritten - it's trying to say too much and therefore says nothing. And then you repeat much of the info underneath...
The layout is nice, the pix are good and the place looks lovely.
But I'm with others who've pointed out there are no prices. If I were looking there I'm pretty sure I wouldn't waste the mere two minutes it would take to send an inquiry email cos I have no idea whatsoever if you're in my price range.
Hope this helps! Good luck with the rewrites.
Lounging on the lily pad...
davey,
why have you not changed that horrible first sentence in bold????
Please do not ask for help and then do nothing - we are all busy busy people who actually WANT to help but you have to do your bit too
why have you not changed that horrible first sentence in bold????
Please do not ask for help and then do nothing - we are all busy busy people who actually WANT to help but you have to do your bit too
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
fibi wrote:why have you not changed that horrible first sentence in bold????
If you were only going to change one thing then that's the one to go for, it's atrocious. I probably constructed better sentences when I was 10, and I just missed out on my 11+, so wasn't particularly clever
Also, the title tag is displaying the website's URL, not good for SEO. Needs to be descriptive.