Anal Complaints 2015
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kevsboredagain
- Posts: 3207
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- Location: France
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bornintheuk
- Posts: 538
- Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:18 am
- Location: Southern Charente
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Cassis
- Posts: 1080
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 10:44 am
- Location: Normandy/Pays de Loire border
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Last night's motorbiking couple called us from a bar in Alençon to say they would be with us shortly. Alençon is 10 minutes from us.
They arrived an hour and a half later - apparently they had a problem with the péage (motorway toll booth).
Errr ... there is no motorway between Alençon and here.
Same couple: "Can you recommend a good local restaurant?"
"Yes, Chez Julie - turn left at the bottom of the drive."
We watch them go down the drive - and turn right.
Not an anal complaint, more a case of not being able to find your own arse with two hands and a mirror.
They arrived an hour and a half later - apparently they had a problem with the péage (motorway toll booth).
Errr ... there is no motorway between Alençon and here.
Same couple: "Can you recommend a good local restaurant?"
"Yes, Chez Julie - turn left at the bottom of the drive."
We watch them go down the drive - and turn right.
Not an anal complaint, more a case of not being able to find your own arse with two hands and a mirror.
Real name Phil
Moved to France in 2004
Likes ducks, nature, gardening, furniture restoration, DIY, rugby, blah, blah.
Moved to France in 2004
Likes ducks, nature, gardening, furniture restoration, DIY, rugby, blah, blah.
Surprised they could balance on two wheels!Cassis wrote:Last night's motorbiking couple called us from a bar in Alençon to say they would be with us shortly. Alençon is 10 minutes from us.
They arrived an hour and a half later - apparently they had a problem with the péage (motorway toll booth).
Errr ... there is no motorway between Alençon and here.
Same couple: "Can you recommend a good local restaurant?"
"Yes, Chez Julie - turn left at the bottom of the drive."
We watch them go down the drive - and turn right.
Not an anal complaint, more a case of not being able to find your own arse with two hands and a mirror.
Passivpool Energy "A" rated Swimming Pools, the most efficient, lowest running cost pools in the world
This thread is brilliant and cheered me up no end. Thank you.
The best one I have had was from guests in the early days. "The oven is not working as it is not making a noise. We keep turning it up as our pizzas are not cooking". I quietly explained that it was top and bottom heating only oven not fan assisted - plainly stated on the listing they booked through - and opened the oven door to a blast of hot air and the sight of two cremated pizzas. The response was "oh".
Another one was a visitor who told me that she was allergic to lavender. These words were uttered right in the middle of a dense block of lavender in full bloom ready for cutting. OH and looked at each and we were both thinking the same thought.
JaneS
The best one I have had was from guests in the early days. "The oven is not working as it is not making a noise. We keep turning it up as our pizzas are not cooking". I quietly explained that it was top and bottom heating only oven not fan assisted - plainly stated on the listing they booked through - and opened the oven door to a blast of hot air and the sight of two cremated pizzas. The response was "oh".
Another one was a visitor who told me that she was allergic to lavender. These words were uttered right in the middle of a dense block of lavender in full bloom ready for cutting. OH and looked at each and we were both thinking the same thought.
JaneS
I have just welcomed weekend guests to one of our cottages. After I had done the meet and greet, and was just about to leave (it being 10pm!):
Mrs Guest: "Out of interest, although I suppose it might be on your website (it is) could you tell me what in the way of food is provided?
Me (pointing to the welcome tray): As you can see on the welcome tray there is a nice cake, a bottle of wine and some eggs, also tea, coffee sugar, milk, herbs, spices...
Mrs Guest: "That's great. The first time we went self catering last year the owner provided so much food we needn't have bought our own and it was all wasted".
Me: Well we are a self catering property so we don't provide meals... but there is a Waitrose 2 minutes up the road!
Let's hope it doesn't prompt a complaint about there being too much loo roll or similar. Mr Guest seemed rather embarrassed about the whole exchange, saying to his wife "I have done a shop, there's nothing to worry about".
Mrs Guest: "Out of interest, although I suppose it might be on your website (it is) could you tell me what in the way of food is provided?
Me (pointing to the welcome tray): As you can see on the welcome tray there is a nice cake, a bottle of wine and some eggs, also tea, coffee sugar, milk, herbs, spices...
Mrs Guest: "That's great. The first time we went self catering last year the owner provided so much food we needn't have bought our own and it was all wasted".
Me: Well we are a self catering property so we don't provide meals... but there is a Waitrose 2 minutes up the road!
Let's hope it doesn't prompt a complaint about there being too much loo roll or similar. Mr Guest seemed rather embarrassed about the whole exchange, saying to his wife "I have done a shop, there's nothing to worry about".
This is such a good thread!
It reminds me of the guest driving out of the gate at 3.00 p.m. on Sunday afternoon.
Me: "Going for a drive?"
Guest: "We're going to the shops."
Me: "I'm afraid that you won't find anything open now - this is very rural France and they all close at lunchtime."
Guest (chirpily disbelieving): "Oh, I'm sure we'll find something."
Me (quietly to the disappearing back of the car): "You won't."
They didn't - and were back three hours later commenting "You were right. Nothing was open, anywhere!"
Me (quietly and smugly): "Told you so .................."
And, there was the guest that called me in to say the kettle was making a funny noise and could I show her how to open the microwave door.
"It's a kettle for the gas and 'whistles' when the water is boiling. To open the microwave door you just press on this little button which says 'door' and has a picture of a little door."
"Oh." and "Oh."
Thank goodness I didn't have to explain rocket science to them .................
It reminds me of the guest driving out of the gate at 3.00 p.m. on Sunday afternoon.
Me: "Going for a drive?"
Guest: "We're going to the shops."
Me: "I'm afraid that you won't find anything open now - this is very rural France and they all close at lunchtime."
Guest (chirpily disbelieving): "Oh, I'm sure we'll find something."
Me (quietly to the disappearing back of the car): "You won't."
They didn't - and were back three hours later commenting "You were right. Nothing was open, anywhere!"
Me (quietly and smugly): "Told you so .................."
And, there was the guest that called me in to say the kettle was making a funny noise and could I show her how to open the microwave door.
"It's a kettle for the gas and 'whistles' when the water is boiling. To open the microwave door you just press on this little button which says 'door' and has a picture of a little door."
"Oh." and "Oh."
Thank goodness I didn't have to explain rocket science to them .................
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kevsboredagain
- Posts: 3207
- Joined: Sat Jan 20, 2007 9:32 am
- Location: France
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Had a French guy a few years ago who insisted he did not need my maps, directions or even GPS coords. He could find the house in Spain with his own GPS.
On the day of arrival, he phones from a service station, half way down the motorway. He was totally lost and in a state of panic. "No one here even speaks French or English" he says and I do not know which direction to go. He hadn't even managed to navigate to the nearest big town.
On the day of arrival, he phones from a service station, half way down the motorway. He was totally lost and in a state of panic. "No one here even speaks French or English" he says and I do not know which direction to go. He hadn't even managed to navigate to the nearest big town.
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cleanforum
- Posts: 392
- Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:55 am
Anal guests?
So many after 20 years of renting, but without going back too far just last week I had a call from our villa guests (located about 20mins drive from where we live) asking us to come and clean the pool as it was "full of leaves". This was at 3pm on their last day of a two week stay.
Arrived to find four leaves floating on the surface and one at the bottom....the pool otherwise crystal clear as always.
The guest have pool nets but said they could not get the leaves out.. That was the nearest I have come for a long while to inserting the pool net where the sun does not shine.....
In the end some professional sounding bloke (that must have developed inside of me over the years) managed to have a pleasant conversation with them whilst cleaning the 4 leaves from the pool under the searing 40C temperatures..
Anal....Grrrrrr
So many after 20 years of renting, but without going back too far just last week I had a call from our villa guests (located about 20mins drive from where we live) asking us to come and clean the pool as it was "full of leaves". This was at 3pm on their last day of a two week stay.
Arrived to find four leaves floating on the surface and one at the bottom....the pool otherwise crystal clear as always.
The guest have pool nets but said they could not get the leaves out.. That was the nearest I have come for a long while to inserting the pool net where the sun does not shine.....
In the end some professional sounding bloke (that must have developed inside of me over the years) managed to have a pleasant conversation with them whilst cleaning the 4 leaves from the pool under the searing 40C temperatures..
Anal....Grrrrrr