From a guest from Hungary:
"My hovercraft is full of eels."
Anal Complaints 2015
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AngloDutch
- Posts: 727
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2014 10:25 pm
- Location: Netherlands
Guest: 'There are spiders in the corners of our bedroom ceiling'
Our reply: 'We sucked up the previous ones just before you arrived, but as soon as the spot gets vacated, a cousin or nephew will just move in...'
Guest: 'The house is dirty. There are cobwebs along the top of the bedroom walls'
Our reply:'They weren't there when we checked before your arrival. Spiders can be very active at this time of year. But the good thing is that they do catch all the flies that come in if the insect screens are not used'
French guest: 'Mon Dieu - un Rottweiler!' (after the neighbour's dog got loose and ended up with the guests in their kitchen). 'C'est dangereux?'
Our reply (grabbing it by the collar): 'Non....c'est un bébé!'
Guest: 'We have 6 cars in total but we can't park them behind the property because there is no room' (there is only room for 4 cars if we are parked as well!)
Guest: 'We always go to KFC on Thursdays back home in the States. Where is your nearest KFC?'
Our reply: 'It's far away in Groningen, it takes about an hour to get to the centre of the city...'
Guest's reply: 'See y'all later!'
Same guests later: 'Do you guys do pancakes around here for breakfast?'
Our reply: 'Unfortunately not. Restaurants don't open until lunchtime, including the pancake restaurant in the village.'
Same guest's reply: 'OK. Do you have a McDonalds here that does pancakes?'
Former U.S. guests who turned up unexpectedly after 7 years: 'Can you help us? We are staying a few hours away from you, but we are having difficulty operating the washing machine. The panel is all in Dutch and we can't get hold of the owner, but remember that you were very helpful when we were here back in 2008. We have photographed the front of the panel with our phone. Can you translate it for us so we can do some washing?'
Our reply: 'No problem. We'll write the meanings of the words in English for you. Our washing machine still has the panel in English....'
Guest's reply (to his wife): 'Ya hear that, Edith. Told you we should have booked this place again...'
Guest: 'Where are your animals? This is supposed to be a farm, isn't it?'
Our reply:' No, they all left with the previous owners in 2005. That's why we say that it's a former farmhouse on the site.'
Guest (banging angrily on our sitting room window on 1st January at 00:15): 'I have been trying to call your office number but you don´t answer?'
Our reply: 'Sorry we are not in the office at the moment and it's very hard to hear anything because of the fireworks. It's a good job we saw you banging on the window!'
Guest: 'The airline has called. They said that they think that my luggage will be delivered here tomorrow, but we're going out the whole day. Can you watch out for the guy in case he turns up? The airline said the guy could be here anytime between 9 and 7...'
Guest: 'I'm allergic to cats. When was the last time that a cat stayed here? Was it sometime in the last month?'
Guest: 'There is a mouse in the kitchen....'
Our reply: 'Where and when did you see it?'
Guest's reply: 'It seems to be living behind the fridge.'
Our further reply (after pulling the fridge away from the wall and hearing the fridge making a squeaking noise): 'It's definitely the fridge.'
Guest's further reply: 'Yuk. It lives in the fridge?'
Us again: 'No, there is no mouse. What you are hearing are refrigeration noises.'
Last guests: 'We saw on internet that a good way to deter wasps is to burn coffee. We heated a pan containing the coffee and placed it on the table outside just before we were going to have dinner. Unfortunately there is a big hole in the table now.'
Our reply: 'How big is the hole?'
Guest's reply: 'Ah, it's about as big as the pan....'
Another 10 years and we'll have enough to publish as a paperback edition...
Our reply: 'We sucked up the previous ones just before you arrived, but as soon as the spot gets vacated, a cousin or nephew will just move in...'
Guest: 'The house is dirty. There are cobwebs along the top of the bedroom walls'
Our reply:'They weren't there when we checked before your arrival. Spiders can be very active at this time of year. But the good thing is that they do catch all the flies that come in if the insect screens are not used'
French guest: 'Mon Dieu - un Rottweiler!' (after the neighbour's dog got loose and ended up with the guests in their kitchen). 'C'est dangereux?'
Our reply (grabbing it by the collar): 'Non....c'est un bébé!'
Guest: 'We have 6 cars in total but we can't park them behind the property because there is no room' (there is only room for 4 cars if we are parked as well!)
Guest: 'We always go to KFC on Thursdays back home in the States. Where is your nearest KFC?'
Our reply: 'It's far away in Groningen, it takes about an hour to get to the centre of the city...'
Guest's reply: 'See y'all later!'
Same guests later: 'Do you guys do pancakes around here for breakfast?'
Our reply: 'Unfortunately not. Restaurants don't open until lunchtime, including the pancake restaurant in the village.'
Same guest's reply: 'OK. Do you have a McDonalds here that does pancakes?'
Former U.S. guests who turned up unexpectedly after 7 years: 'Can you help us? We are staying a few hours away from you, but we are having difficulty operating the washing machine. The panel is all in Dutch and we can't get hold of the owner, but remember that you were very helpful when we were here back in 2008. We have photographed the front of the panel with our phone. Can you translate it for us so we can do some washing?'
Our reply: 'No problem. We'll write the meanings of the words in English for you. Our washing machine still has the panel in English....'
Guest's reply (to his wife): 'Ya hear that, Edith. Told you we should have booked this place again...'
Guest: 'Where are your animals? This is supposed to be a farm, isn't it?'
Our reply:' No, they all left with the previous owners in 2005. That's why we say that it's a former farmhouse on the site.'
Guest (banging angrily on our sitting room window on 1st January at 00:15): 'I have been trying to call your office number but you don´t answer?'
Our reply: 'Sorry we are not in the office at the moment and it's very hard to hear anything because of the fireworks. It's a good job we saw you banging on the window!'
Guest: 'The airline has called. They said that they think that my luggage will be delivered here tomorrow, but we're going out the whole day. Can you watch out for the guy in case he turns up? The airline said the guy could be here anytime between 9 and 7...'
Guest: 'I'm allergic to cats. When was the last time that a cat stayed here? Was it sometime in the last month?'
Guest: 'There is a mouse in the kitchen....'
Our reply: 'Where and when did you see it?'
Guest's reply: 'It seems to be living behind the fridge.'
Our further reply (after pulling the fridge away from the wall and hearing the fridge making a squeaking noise): 'It's definitely the fridge.'
Guest's further reply: 'Yuk. It lives in the fridge?'
Us again: 'No, there is no mouse. What you are hearing are refrigeration noises.'
Last guests: 'We saw on internet that a good way to deter wasps is to burn coffee. We heated a pan containing the coffee and placed it on the table outside just before we were going to have dinner. Unfortunately there is a big hole in the table now.'
Our reply: 'How big is the hole?'
Guest's reply: 'Ah, it's about as big as the pan....'
Another 10 years and we'll have enough to publish as a paperback edition...
Last edited by AngloDutch on Sat Sep 05, 2015 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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AngloDutch
- Posts: 727
- Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2014 10:25 pm
- Location: Netherlands
guest (she being a university educated with numerous degrees)
guest i see in the garden two large black plastic things what are those ????
my husband those are your dustbins.
guest ,oh what do i do with those then ???
my husband well you put your rubbish in your kitchen bins,thats those two tall grey things in the kitchen and then when they are full you migrate the bags to your dustbins.
guest oh thank you for explaining that,now i know.
next day
guest do you have a washing machine.
my husband yes i showed you the laundry room yesterday.
guest,oh good does it spin ???
my husband well yes its a washing machine why???
guest,i just want to put my swmming costume in to get it dryer.
my husband, ok but its 42 degrees and if you hang it on the airer it will probably be dry in 10 mins.
guest ,oh ok but i need to make sure its dry ready for swimming tomorrow.
i have loads more and sometimes i tell them to myself when i am showing people round and have to try hard not to burst out laughing !!!!
guest i see in the garden two large black plastic things what are those ????
my husband those are your dustbins.
guest ,oh what do i do with those then ???
my husband well you put your rubbish in your kitchen bins,thats those two tall grey things in the kitchen and then when they are full you migrate the bags to your dustbins.
guest oh thank you for explaining that,now i know.
next day
guest do you have a washing machine.
my husband yes i showed you the laundry room yesterday.
guest,oh good does it spin ???
my husband well yes its a washing machine why???
guest,i just want to put my swmming costume in to get it dryer.
my husband, ok but its 42 degrees and if you hang it on the airer it will probably be dry in 10 mins.
guest ,oh ok but i need to make sure its dry ready for swimming tomorrow.
i have loads more and sometimes i tell them to myself when i am showing people round and have to try hard not to burst out laughing !!!!
always trying to keep my head above water,pray we don't have a flood!!!!
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Zur Alten Weinkelter
- Posts: 201
- Joined: Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:22 pm
- Location: Moselle Valley (Mosel) Deutschland
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bornintheuk
- Posts: 538
- Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:18 am
- Location: Southern Charente
Oh for goodness sake - have I got to get a hovercraft now? I don't think it will fit in the cupboard with the salad spinnerbornintheuk wrote:Too much Monty Python, methinks !greenbarn wrote:From a guest from Hungary:
"My hovercraft is full of eels."
Regards
Anne
If there's no such thing as co-incidence, then why is there a word for it?
Anne
If there's no such thing as co-incidence, then why is there a word for it?
I have just had an email from a guest who has booked 4-nights during the half-term hols - "would it be possible to hire a bouncy castle and put it in the car park".
This is for an apartment, 2 adults & 2 small children - I have not yet replied as I will have a sleep on it to consolidate my thoughts and come up with a suitable response.
Any comic suggestions would be appreciated and maybe used.
I've just thought of one:
"Sorry, Billy Smart's circus is using the car park that week"
This is for an apartment, 2 adults & 2 small children - I have not yet replied as I will have a sleep on it to consolidate my thoughts and come up with a suitable response.
Any comic suggestions would be appreciated and maybe used.
I've just thought of one:
"Sorry, Billy Smart's circus is using the car park that week"
"Write something, even if it's just a suicide note"
"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise"
"As for my amnesia, I've had it as long as I can remember"
Real name: Steve
Gender: Male
"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise"
"As for my amnesia, I've had it as long as I can remember"
Real name: Steve
Gender: Male
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Ecosse
- Posts: 812
- Joined: Thu May 29, 2014 10:40 pm
- Location: Saint Gervais les Bains, France
- Contact:
"Certainly, if you ask the hire company for the Superbouncer Ultralift model, you should achieve the height of bounce necessary for you and your luggage to reach our second floor apartment... or you could just use the stairs."Essar wrote:I have just had an email from a guest who has booked 4-nights during the half-term hols - "would it be possible to hire a bouncy castle and put it in the car park".
This is for an apartment, 2 adults & 2 small children - I have not yet replied as I will have a sleep on it to consolidate my thoughts and come up with a suitable response.
Any comic suggestions would be appreciated and maybe used.
"