If anyone can offer some advice on improving my HR ad I would be very grateful.
Thanks in Advance.
http://www.holiday-rentals.co.uk/Cyprus ... p19985.htm
Ruth
Any tips gratefully received.
Oh Ros...that one made me laugh out loud!! V.good! 
Don't worry Kip (see how I'm taking advantage of our long relationship and giving you a nickname!?
) its Ros' sense of humour (unless you got the joke all along... 
in which case I'll butt out!)
Mousie
x
Don't worry Kip (see how I'm taking advantage of our long relationship and giving you a nickname!?
) its Ros' sense of humour (unless you got the joke all along... in which case I'll butt out!)Mousie
x
One martini, two martini, three martini floor!
Well, that was a hard one to get, but very funny once you do. Good one Ros/Big Sis? Can we not call you Ros any more?
I can't think of anything witty right now, give me some time, will you!
Andalusia Holiday Home
www.toprural.com/casadolar
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S6571.htm
www.espanabreaks.com/villainfo.php/6947.htm
Andalusia Holiday Home
www.toprural.com/casadolar
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S6571.htm
www.espanabreaks.com/villainfo.php/6947.htm
Well Ruth, in and amongst all the jokes, I think your ad does pretty well, within the constraints of the Holiday-Rentals format. I particularly like the photos which are very well lit and convey a really good impression of the place (most people will respond viscerally to a picture in a way that they wouldn't to text).
The text, I think, could be a bit livelier - it's a bit monochrome, if you like - could you get a bit more enthusiastic, a bit more colourful in your descriptions, so that you carry people along with you?
So there's my thoughts - a little more verbal panache would be good.
Best of luck for the season
Moliere
The text, I think, could be a bit livelier - it's a bit monochrome, if you like - could you get a bit more enthusiastic, a bit more colourful in your descriptions, so that you carry people along with you?
So there's my thoughts - a little more verbal panache would be good.
Best of luck for the season
Moliere
Jumping is just dressage with speed-bumps.
Hi Ruth
I particularly like the lead shot of your property, crisp and colourful and many of the others are thoughtfully composed and do a terrific job for you. My only criticism is that you're getting a bit repetitious pictorially by the end of the set - two too many dining rooms and two too many views from the terrace. In your text, you mention two lovely beaches and the coastal path. I'd be tempted to show those (and maybe a tighter shot of your pool) rather than repeat shots of your property because your location sounds wonderful and you'd be selling the dream more effectively. And maybe show families enjoying the beaches - subtly emphasising your point that you don't want all male/female groups.
Good luck with bookings.
Jim
I particularly like the lead shot of your property, crisp and colourful and many of the others are thoughtfully composed and do a terrific job for you. My only criticism is that you're getting a bit repetitious pictorially by the end of the set - two too many dining rooms and two too many views from the terrace. In your text, you mention two lovely beaches and the coastal path. I'd be tempted to show those (and maybe a tighter shot of your pool) rather than repeat shots of your property because your location sounds wonderful and you'd be selling the dream more effectively. And maybe show families enjoying the beaches - subtly emphasising your point that you don't want all male/female groups.
Good luck with bookings.
Jim
Bonjour
I love your photos - so bright,colourful and sunny - I want to come right now for a holiday. I agree with Jimbo that you could substiute a beachshot for one of the dining room shots.
I think that the description is enticing too and gives a good feel of what I might find at your villa.
My concern is that the tone becomes rather negative in the Notes to the rental rates and the pool. I think you need to find a positive way of making it clear what sort of guests you are expecting and don't start the pool description with it being slippery.
Looking good - well done
I love your photos - so bright,colourful and sunny - I want to come right now for a holiday. I agree with Jimbo that you could substiute a beachshot for one of the dining room shots.
I think that the description is enticing too and gives a good feel of what I might find at your villa.
My concern is that the tone becomes rather negative in the Notes to the rental rates and the pool. I think you need to find a positive way of making it clear what sort of guests you are expecting and don't start the pool description with it being slippery.
Looking good - well done
Thanks Enid and Jim,
I do have some new Pictures that I took this easter, I'll look for a bit more variation and change a couple.
Enid, reading my rental notes again I do sound very bossy don't I? I suppose some of those notes ( Air con, Swimming pool) could just appear in the terms and conditions that I send out with the booking form.
It's great to get this feedback, thanks again.
Ruth
I do have some new Pictures that I took this easter, I'll look for a bit more variation and change a couple.
Enid, reading my rental notes again I do sound very bossy don't I? I suppose some of those notes ( Air con, Swimming pool) could just appear in the terms and conditions that I send out with the booking form.
It's great to get this feedback, thanks again.
Ruth
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Normandy Cow
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- Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:14 am
- Location: Normandy
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Kip,
Your place looks lovely! And I do like the photos, they really sell it for you and I don't think you need too much blurb. I think that if I were looking for a place to rent in Cyprus, your pictures would do it for me and I wouldn't do much more than scan through the text quickly.
I have just two comments to make:
1. In the main picture of the dining room, the black jumper slung over the dining chair really jumps out at me (but then again I am a bit of a photo nerd and do get really wound up by details such as this in photos). If you would like, email it to me and I'll have a go at massaging it out in Photoshop.
2. I would not bother with a lot of the terms and conditions stuff that you include on your ad. For example, I would delete all the phrases which I have made bold in the following excerpt:
P.S. Don't worry, I don't get Big Sis' joke either and I have been on this forum for years, so please don't feel excluded!
COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY!!!
Your place looks lovely! And I do like the photos, they really sell it for you and I don't think you need too much blurb. I think that if I were looking for a place to rent in Cyprus, your pictures would do it for me and I wouldn't do much more than scan through the text quickly.
I have just two comments to make:
1. In the main picture of the dining room, the black jumper slung over the dining chair really jumps out at me (but then again I am a bit of a photo nerd and do get really wound up by details such as this in photos). If you would like, email it to me and I'll have a go at massaging it out in Photoshop.
2. I would not bother with a lot of the terms and conditions stuff that you include on your ad. For example, I would delete all the phrases which I have made bold in the following excerpt:
In my case I put all the "negative" things such as those highlighted above in my Terms and Conditions document which I send out to people once they have made an enquiry. All this stuff is not necessary in an advert and may be a little off-putting!Rates include Welcome Pack and Air-con/heating. To avoid incurring additional cost this should only be in operation whilst you are occupying the villa ensuring all windows and doors are closed. (It only takes approximately 3 minutes to reduce the temperature of a room to a comfortable level.) Linen and bathroom towels changed weekly along with a weekly clean. Extra cleaning can be provided at additional cost.
The party size must not under any circumstances exceed that stated on the original booking form. We reserve the right to evict the whole party if we become aware of this and the rental fee will be lost. The villa is only suitable for a maximum of 6 persons. We regret that we will not take bookings for all male or female groups. Our villa is suitable for couples and families only. We reserve the right to refuse entry if such a booking has been made and not disclosed. Please contact the advertiser for special offers available. £200 security deposit is required. This will be refunded less any cost of damage after your return.
P.S. Don't worry, I don't get Big Sis' joke either and I have been on this forum for years, so please don't feel excluded!
COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE PUT US OUT OF OUR MISERY!!!
Last edited by Normandy Cow on Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Normandy Cow
- Posts: 2687
- Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:14 am
- Location: Normandy
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Hi Ruth...
Your place looks great..Congrats....
Just a few little niggles..the photos..one has a cardi on the back of the chair..also the one showing the back of the sun chair at the table...just little things but my eye was drawn to them...
Im not sure if you mention airort pickups if you did I missed it...sorry...but as you say that a cars not needed..this should be offered..also taxi costs from airport that sort of thing
The bit about building work not happening in close proximity seems like that means its happening somewhere...why do you need to mention this...at least not on the initial advert ..
Also the bit about shutting all the windows etc...Needed to be mentioned Im sure but maybe not on the initial advert.....
Everything should be upbeat when they first are viewing other things can be mentioned once theyve shown an interest.....
Hope this doesnt sound negative its not meant to the place looks great ....Hope you do well with your bookings..
BTWDont worry about my humour its an acquired taste..half the time I dont know what Im going to say either......
Your place looks great..Congrats....
Just a few little niggles..the photos..one has a cardi on the back of the chair..also the one showing the back of the sun chair at the table...just little things but my eye was drawn to them...
Im not sure if you mention airort pickups if you did I missed it...sorry...but as you say that a cars not needed..this should be offered..also taxi costs from airport that sort of thing
The bit about building work not happening in close proximity seems like that means its happening somewhere...why do you need to mention this...at least not on the initial advert ..
Also the bit about shutting all the windows etc...Needed to be mentioned Im sure but maybe not on the initial advert.....
Everything should be upbeat when they first are viewing other things can be mentioned once theyve shown an interest.....
Hope this doesnt sound negative its not meant to the place looks great ....Hope you do well with your bookings..
BTWDont worry about my humour its an acquired taste..half the time I dont know what Im going to say either......