Enquiries to Australian Tourism website
- Normandy Cow
- Posts: 2687
- Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:14 am
- Location: Normandy
- Contact:
Enquiries to Australian Tourism website
And we think we have complicated enquiries from problem guests...
> These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
>
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK )
>
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> _________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
>
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
>
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
> oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
>
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> ____________________________ ______________________
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
>
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
>
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )
>
> A: Yes, gay night clubs.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
>
> These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
>
> A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
>
> A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
>
> A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and HerveyBay ? ( UK )
>
> A: What did your last slave die of?
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
> Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
> .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>
> _________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
>
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
>
> A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
> oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
>
> A: You are a British politician, right?
>
> ____________________________ ______________________
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
>
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
> Milk is illegal.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
>
> A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
> All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
>
> A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
> You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
>
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )
>
> A: Yes, gay night clubs.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
>
> A: Only at Christmas.
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
>
> __________________________________________________
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
>
> A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
>
- christinedavid
- Posts: 277
- Joined: Tue Nov 25, 2008 10:18 am
- Location: Turkey
- Contact:
That's brilliant
Best wishes,
Christine
www.sharingadream.co.uk
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Villa-Sop ... 1197643136
Christine
www.sharingadream.co.uk
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Villa-Sop ... 1197643136
No offence meant to any LMHers from the USA but we get some very bizarre questions from potential American guests.
A few recent beauties - including some from a couple we are expecting on Monday - have been
1. Are there any terrorists in Spain?
2. Can we drive direct from your place to Morocco?
3. Is there water in Spain?
4. Can you guarantee that everyone in shops and restaurants will speak English?
Obviously we get strange questions from other nationalities too but our American cousins seem to have the most interesting requests!
A few recent beauties - including some from a couple we are expecting on Monday - have been
1. Are there any terrorists in Spain?
2. Can we drive direct from your place to Morocco?
3. Is there water in Spain?
4. Can you guarantee that everyone in shops and restaurants will speak English?
Obviously we get strange questions from other nationalities too but our American cousins seem to have the most interesting requests!
Did I read somewhere once that Americans are the least travelled nation ?
Don't waste energy on things you can't change.
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
-
- Posts: 1020
- Joined: Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:15 pm
- Location: Guingamp/Bourbriac in Brittany
- Contact:
I've got no idea what your reading habits are but I don't think North Koreans or Chinese get around much.Partridge wrote:Did I read somewhere once that Americans are the least travelled nation ?
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/200 ... cord_N.htm
27% of americans have a passport as of June 2008.
How many are using them is another question
Ok then, I'll rephrase that, maybe it meant (can't remember) considering it's a first world nation that there are a surprising number who never/rarely travel abroad.
Is 27% high then ?
Is 27% high then ?
Don't waste energy on things you can't change.
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
Well there you go then, not very 'travelled' people in general
PS I couldn't find figures/statistics on % passport holders per nation either
Don't waste energy on things you can't change.
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm