Advice
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Christine Kenyon
- Posts: 623
- Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:58 am
- Location: Glenridding, Ullswater Valley, Lake District, UK
- Contact:
Sue, I don't you in person, but feel I've got to know through this forum. You come across as a lovely, lively, independent woman with a zest for life, a load of eclectic interests and a very caring nature. I suspect your mam would be very proud of you and I'm sure your dad is even if he never admits it.
It sounds like we have similar relationships with our parents. I could (and do whenever possible) spend hours with my mum. I love her company. My dad and I struggle to really relate to each other in the same way. We've just moved house and the best thing was that he came and spent the night with us and we had a lovely time; the sad thing is that my mum is not physically able to make the journey, but would have loved our new home and particularly the garden. Life is sometimes not fair. I'm just glad that in the past my mum and I have spent so much time together. Your dad's not going to change - and neither is mine (and in a way neither am I - I admit that) But that doesn't stop us trying to do our best by our parents.
Anyway, this is a long way of saying you're a lovely person, Sue.
It sounds like we have similar relationships with our parents. I could (and do whenever possible) spend hours with my mum. I love her company. My dad and I struggle to really relate to each other in the same way. We've just moved house and the best thing was that he came and spent the night with us and we had a lovely time; the sad thing is that my mum is not physically able to make the journey, but would have loved our new home and particularly the garden. Life is sometimes not fair. I'm just glad that in the past my mum and I have spent so much time together. Your dad's not going to change - and neither is mine (and in a way neither am I - I admit that) But that doesn't stop us trying to do our best by our parents.
Anyway, this is a long way of saying you're a lovely person, Sue.
Christine
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http://www.grisedalelodge.co.uk
http://www.grisedalecottage.co.uk
holiday cottages in Glenridding, Ullswater
http://www.stybarrowcottage.co.uk
http://www.grisedalelodge.co.uk
http://www.grisedalecottage.co.uk
Ah, thanks Christine. I really feel so much better and less alone after everyone's replies. I guess it is just a bad time of year as it is 7 years on Monday for mam, I usually cope okay but sometimes things compound on you.
I think the one thing I did that made Dad the proudest was buying the cottage as well as naming it after mam. I'll always remember him looking at the "Lily Cottage" plaque and wiping his eyes. I do think he is blown away that one of his kids has gone for it and bought a second property and made a go of it.
We have funny old relationships with our parents, don't we? You know the first time I went on a fun fair ride with Dad was this year at the Tall Ships race (I was 46!). First time I ever played a game with him was last year when we had a barbie at the cottage and I challenged him to swingball!! I suppose its never to late.
There I go again, maybe I might get my own show? Move over Trisha...
I think the one thing I did that made Dad the proudest was buying the cottage as well as naming it after mam. I'll always remember him looking at the "Lily Cottage" plaque and wiping his eyes. I do think he is blown away that one of his kids has gone for it and bought a second property and made a go of it.
We have funny old relationships with our parents, don't we? You know the first time I went on a fun fair ride with Dad was this year at the Tall Ships race (I was 46!). First time I ever played a game with him was last year when we had a barbie at the cottage and I challenged him to swingball!! I suppose its never to late.
There I go again, maybe I might get my own show? Move over Trisha...
Blush!! Thank You!Sue,
Yes, you are a lovely person and as I said in my PM, whatever you do and whatever you say will be the right thing because it is done out of love. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy and I'm also in the camp of those who caution against "surprises". Old people do not like change generally unless it's their idea in the first place. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. Here's my recent experience.
My parent's garden is their pride and joy, but had recently become a source of frustration rather than pleasure due to difficulty managing it. My Dad was driving everyone nuts whinging about it, so as a surprise for his 82nd birthday last month, I found Karen, a very talented and caring garden designer, who was willing to have a cup of coffee with them to discuss simplifying everything - kind of a substitute for myself as I don't live in the same hemisphere and it was the best I could do from such a distance.
My sister, who lives locally to them, spilled the beans the day before, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but anyway, it was a great success. They got on with Karen like a house on fire and loved her ideas. I had already discussed a modest budget with Karen before she went, and although I knew it was not really sufficient to make it worth her while, out of the goodness of her heart, she took it on. (If anyone needs a garden designer in Brisbane, Karen Haynes is the gal).
It was all working out brilliantly until it came to giving Karen the go ahead. My parents hedged for a full 10 days, then I hit a brick wall. Calm before storm. Storm was of nightmare proportions. Without wishing to dwell on the details, I doubt I will speak to my mother again for another year, if ever. She has a major control issue and gets nasty when she thinks she's losing it. She was the one telling Karen what to do, she was the one choosing the plants, so she was very much in control and I just didn't get it. Clueless me had not realized that she wanted to move house and had been using the burden of the garden as an excuse, while my Dad loves the house and has no intention of moving. The last thing she wanted was for me to fix the problem, even though she had no logical explanation for why she wanted to move. She had been playing charades, but when push came to shove, her least attractive personality defects shone the brightest, the gloves came off and I was told in no uncertain terms to butt out.
In the end, my Dad took to his bed for a week and won the argument. Karen got the go ahead. My sister, who was very hesitant about the whole idea at first, now says they have a renewed spring in their step and are both thrilled with the results. My mother has stopped talking about moving house, at least for now.
Would I do it again? On balance, yes, I think I would. Although it was worse than ten root canals, I have peace of mind knowing that my Dad is enjoying his new garden and isn't being nagged to death about moving house by the wicked witch of the north.
Sue, my only suggestion is to practise tightrope walking and watch out for those land mines. You're between a rock and a hard place right now, but there are 757 people here routing for you, whatever you decide is best.
Yes, you are a lovely person and as I said in my PM, whatever you do and whatever you say will be the right thing because it is done out of love. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy and I'm also in the camp of those who caution against "surprises". Old people do not like change generally unless it's their idea in the first place. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. Here's my recent experience.
My parent's garden is their pride and joy, but had recently become a source of frustration rather than pleasure due to difficulty managing it. My Dad was driving everyone nuts whinging about it, so as a surprise for his 82nd birthday last month, I found Karen, a very talented and caring garden designer, who was willing to have a cup of coffee with them to discuss simplifying everything - kind of a substitute for myself as I don't live in the same hemisphere and it was the best I could do from such a distance.
My sister, who lives locally to them, spilled the beans the day before, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but anyway, it was a great success. They got on with Karen like a house on fire and loved her ideas. I had already discussed a modest budget with Karen before she went, and although I knew it was not really sufficient to make it worth her while, out of the goodness of her heart, she took it on. (If anyone needs a garden designer in Brisbane, Karen Haynes is the gal).
It was all working out brilliantly until it came to giving Karen the go ahead. My parents hedged for a full 10 days, then I hit a brick wall. Calm before storm. Storm was of nightmare proportions. Without wishing to dwell on the details, I doubt I will speak to my mother again for another year, if ever. She has a major control issue and gets nasty when she thinks she's losing it. She was the one telling Karen what to do, she was the one choosing the plants, so she was very much in control and I just didn't get it. Clueless me had not realized that she wanted to move house and had been using the burden of the garden as an excuse, while my Dad loves the house and has no intention of moving. The last thing she wanted was for me to fix the problem, even though she had no logical explanation for why she wanted to move. She had been playing charades, but when push came to shove, her least attractive personality defects shone the brightest, the gloves came off and I was told in no uncertain terms to butt out.
In the end, my Dad took to his bed for a week and won the argument. Karen got the go ahead. My sister, who was very hesitant about the whole idea at first, now says they have a renewed spring in their step and are both thrilled with the results. My mother has stopped talking about moving house, at least for now.
Would I do it again? On balance, yes, I think I would. Although it was worse than ten root canals, I have peace of mind knowing that my Dad is enjoying his new garden and isn't being nagged to death about moving house by the wicked witch of the north.
Sue, my only suggestion is to practise tightrope walking and watch out for those land mines. You're between a rock and a hard place right now, but there are 757 people here routing for you, whatever you decide is best.
Waves from America
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Giddy Goat
- Posts: 9054
- Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:38 am
- Location: UK
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cuddly grandad types
Soo, you're a star, as everyone says. This is a really emotive issue and I've tried unsuccessfully to edit this. Sorry in advance.
One morning I called at my mother's retirement flat (only 30 mins away) to return some washing; sheets and towels were the only thing she'd let me do for her. The curtains were closed, she didn't respond, and her door wouldn't open as the chain was still across. I called the police. A sensitive young PC broke the door down, and offered to go first. We found her in a state, and unconscious. She'd had a stroke, and 2 days later, in hospital, passed away. I'd been provided with a put-you-up, so was at her side.
It was only when I had the relative's depressing task of emptying her flat that I found the tablets she'd been prescribed. Counting them, and checking the date, I called the GP. We came to the sad conclusion that some weeks earlier, she had taken the conscious decision to discontinue her medication. Her closest friend confirmed this.
What my story, and those of other LMHers is fundamentally about is Quality of Life. My mother was fiercely independent. The development was too small to have a warden, but flats were equipped with a 'Piper' alarm system to which occupants could subscribe, and she'd refused. Even bringing her to the point of giving me a key to the flat had involved a serious locking of horns (ha!) before she finally gave in.
Having worked most of my life in the NHS, more recently with the elderly (domiciliary and outpatients), I've learned that QOL means different things to different people, and that what I would want for myself in advanced old age isn't necessarily what, eg, my parents would want. For my mother, retaining her pride and independence came well ahead of clean clothes (appearance had once been very important to her) and a pristine home. Like others here, I found it hard to say nothing when things weren't right. Maybe, with aging eyes, they passed her by, or if they didn't, she accepted a little lowering of standards as the price to pay for her particular QOL. And when that was no longer sustainable, she bailed out.
Caring for a close relative is always a tough call. When we believe duty beckons, and our efforts are either rejected, or at best, received but not fully appreciated, it hurts as well as frustrates. Often, little can be done, it just seems to go with the territory.
Will I be the same when I grow old? I'd like to think not - but who knows??!!
One morning I called at my mother's retirement flat (only 30 mins away) to return some washing; sheets and towels were the only thing she'd let me do for her. The curtains were closed, she didn't respond, and her door wouldn't open as the chain was still across. I called the police. A sensitive young PC broke the door down, and offered to go first. We found her in a state, and unconscious. She'd had a stroke, and 2 days later, in hospital, passed away. I'd been provided with a put-you-up, so was at her side.
It was only when I had the relative's depressing task of emptying her flat that I found the tablets she'd been prescribed. Counting them, and checking the date, I called the GP. We came to the sad conclusion that some weeks earlier, she had taken the conscious decision to discontinue her medication. Her closest friend confirmed this.
What my story, and those of other LMHers is fundamentally about is Quality of Life. My mother was fiercely independent. The development was too small to have a warden, but flats were equipped with a 'Piper' alarm system to which occupants could subscribe, and she'd refused. Even bringing her to the point of giving me a key to the flat had involved a serious locking of horns (ha!) before she finally gave in.
Having worked most of my life in the NHS, more recently with the elderly (domiciliary and outpatients), I've learned that QOL means different things to different people, and that what I would want for myself in advanced old age isn't necessarily what, eg, my parents would want. For my mother, retaining her pride and independence came well ahead of clean clothes (appearance had once been very important to her) and a pristine home. Like others here, I found it hard to say nothing when things weren't right. Maybe, with aging eyes, they passed her by, or if they didn't, she accepted a little lowering of standards as the price to pay for her particular QOL. And when that was no longer sustainable, she bailed out.
Caring for a close relative is always a tough call. When we believe duty beckons, and our efforts are either rejected, or at best, received but not fully appreciated, it hurts as well as frustrates. Often, little can be done, it just seems to go with the territory.
Will I be the same when I grow old? I'd like to think not - but who knows??!!
Last edited by Giddy Goat on Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
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cromercrabholiday
- Posts: 797
- Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 10:24 am
- Location: North Norfolk
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Jane
You brought back memories of my mother-in-law. Despite bad rheumatoid arthritis, she would never use a stick, instead using an umbrella with a wooden shaft. "People might think that I'm disabled." As she got less able to walk, Jane foolishly suggested a wheelchair to take her on a Christmas shopping trip - you'd think that the world had fallen in!
It was all incredibly insensitive as our son was wheelchair bound after severe brain damage resulting from a 3-months premature birth.
Let's hope that we can remember and not do it to our kids. I think that it is the tail-end of Victorianism. Everybody is much less formal these days although, I have to admit, that being addressed by first name on the phone by someone I've never met still feels strange.
John
You brought back memories of my mother-in-law. Despite bad rheumatoid arthritis, she would never use a stick, instead using an umbrella with a wooden shaft. "People might think that I'm disabled." As she got less able to walk, Jane foolishly suggested a wheelchair to take her on a Christmas shopping trip - you'd think that the world had fallen in!
It was all incredibly insensitive as our son was wheelchair bound after severe brain damage resulting from a 3-months premature birth.
Let's hope that we can remember and not do it to our kids. I think that it is the tail-end of Victorianism. Everybody is much less formal these days although, I have to admit, that being addressed by first name on the phone by someone I've never met still feels strange.
John
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Alan Knighting
- Posts: 4120
- Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 7:26 am
- Location: Monflanquin, Lot-et-Garonne, France
John,
God forbid but we might all be there one day. The probability is; we will forget and we will do it.
Alan
A growing intolerance, an intensified bad temper and forgetfulness. The sad thing is that these things are the first signs of senile dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. I lived through it with my father and all one can do is be caring and understanding – none of it is deliberate.Let's hope that we can remember and not do it to our kids.
God forbid but we might all be there one day. The probability is; we will forget and we will do it.
Alan
well - I'm here with a dilemma - we may be having my husband's 84 year old difficult mather moving in... and now my mother is poorly again - she had cancer 11 years ago but up to now has had the all clear - but is now suffering from some very strange ailments, spookily the house next door to us here in France has just gone on the market last week - am I going to be having my own old folks/nursing home?.... can't see it working with all 3 in there as my mother in law falls out with everyone - that's why she is on her own!
My MiL is the opposite with the wheelchair as John described - now she has had a stroke and one leg doesn't work properly she's like the Queen Mum giving her orders - can't even go into a shop without the performance of the wheelchair - she plays on being pathetic now and everyone should feel sorry for her.... she'll be one of these awkward so and so's around until she's 110! But I have learnt to laugh at her - and funnily enough she has mellowed with this treatment! One of the days when she was here I had my lady in that helps me with the laundry and the house - when my back was turned MiL was ordering coffee like she was in the Ritz!
My mum - bless her is 'always in the way' so sends me demented - I get so cross with her and then I get upset with myself for being cross with her. I don't know what it is and why she is super sensitive... she has a heart as big as a bucket - she's just desperately insecure. My parents have been married 54 years and totally joined at the hip - and very good for their age if it wasn't for my mum's health issues.
I don't know what is going to happen - but I think the house next door may be in the picture and possibly another renovation project for part of a barn on the other side of our house being converted for MiL....still she will have to have a lift to go up & down so we can switch that off now & then! ... then the house next door has big walls round the garden so I suppose we could even put up razor wire!
It's very hard knowing what to do for the best - like you Soo we have no children - my brother is in a new relationship - he has 3 children form his 1st marriage (which was a very acrimonious divorce) the eldest being 15 - the twins haven't been to see any of us for almost 10 years.... so what is best? - I'm always known as the bossy one and now I have backed off from saying what I think should be done they are all saying I don't care ... oh for a crystal ball at times!
It's hard trying to do the best thing... sometimes I think things have a way of panning out so sometimes it's best to wait and see what happens... (very hard with my nature though!).
My MiL is the opposite with the wheelchair as John described - now she has had a stroke and one leg doesn't work properly she's like the Queen Mum giving her orders - can't even go into a shop without the performance of the wheelchair - she plays on being pathetic now and everyone should feel sorry for her.... she'll be one of these awkward so and so's around until she's 110! But I have learnt to laugh at her - and funnily enough she has mellowed with this treatment! One of the days when she was here I had my lady in that helps me with the laundry and the house - when my back was turned MiL was ordering coffee like she was in the Ritz!
My mum - bless her is 'always in the way' so sends me demented - I get so cross with her and then I get upset with myself for being cross with her. I don't know what it is and why she is super sensitive... she has a heart as big as a bucket - she's just desperately insecure. My parents have been married 54 years and totally joined at the hip - and very good for their age if it wasn't for my mum's health issues.
I don't know what is going to happen - but I think the house next door may be in the picture and possibly another renovation project for part of a barn on the other side of our house being converted for MiL....still she will have to have a lift to go up & down so we can switch that off now & then! ... then the house next door has big walls round the garden so I suppose we could even put up razor wire!
It's very hard knowing what to do for the best - like you Soo we have no children - my brother is in a new relationship - he has 3 children form his 1st marriage (which was a very acrimonious divorce) the eldest being 15 - the twins haven't been to see any of us for almost 10 years.... so what is best? - I'm always known as the bossy one and now I have backed off from saying what I think should be done they are all saying I don't care ... oh for a crystal ball at times!
It's hard trying to do the best thing... sometimes I think things have a way of panning out so sometimes it's best to wait and see what happens... (very hard with my nature though!).
it's all a learning curve!
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Giddy Goat
- Posts: 9054
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I'm counting my blessings as the stories keep arriving. Of course, I don't think Fluffy meant that if ones rellies are becoming intolerant, catankerous and forgetful they're all going to develop dementia of one form or another, just in case anyone read it that way; even pain, (often coupled with insomnia), can produce similar behaviours. Added to that, when an elderly person who has been used to high energy levels gradually feels this slipping away - pheww! The anger and frustration can be overwhelming, taken out by and large on the poor and put upon major caregivers. Who is in this situation, yet parent can't stop singing the praises of the sibling who never rings or visits??!! Doesn't it make you want to butt them?!
Tansy, I hope things turn out to be OK regarding your mother's health, and that the rest of your concerns are sorted without the necessity for the razor wire! Our daughter is still at Uni, and we have my parents in law to worry about now too. MIL has early signs of dementia, FIL is ground down by it already, and both have become totally dependent on their family for their social contact, holidays etc. They are just managing to live in their own home, but don't cook proper meals any more (recent development) and I know Meals on Wheels would be rejected out of hand! They don't have a microwave, and FIL wouldn't want to learn to use one. Our future plans (to move to France in 2 or 3 years and take early retirement) will have to go on hold, as there's no way they could cope with a move to another country - and in any case, there's no way I could cope with MIL!
We're sharing nothing new here, and the problem is becoming an increasingly familiar one. I'm glad we have the Cafe to support each other through. Thanks to St Paolo!
Tansy, I hope things turn out to be OK regarding your mother's health, and that the rest of your concerns are sorted without the necessity for the razor wire! Our daughter is still at Uni, and we have my parents in law to worry about now too. MIL has early signs of dementia, FIL is ground down by it already, and both have become totally dependent on their family for their social contact, holidays etc. They are just managing to live in their own home, but don't cook proper meals any more (recent development) and I know Meals on Wheels would be rejected out of hand! They don't have a microwave, and FIL wouldn't want to learn to use one. Our future plans (to move to France in 2 or 3 years and take early retirement) will have to go on hold, as there's no way they could cope with a move to another country - and in any case, there's no way I could cope with MIL!
We're sharing nothing new here, and the problem is becoming an increasingly familiar one. I'm glad we have the Cafe to support each other through. Thanks to St Paolo!
Last edited by Giddy Goat on Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
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Alan Knighting
- Posts: 4120
- Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2004 7:26 am
- Location: Monflanquin, Lot-et-Garonne, France
Jane,
You're quite right, that's not at all what I meant. These things can be symptoms of medical conditions that none of us can do anything about and I think we should be very understand of it, difficult though it undoubtedly is.
I will be 70 next birthday and I sometimes feel the Grumpy Old Man developing within me. At least I can recognise it and deal with it, for now. I resent and fight against the mental changes which aging brings; I resent and fight against the physical changes which aging brings; but they are losing battles for many of us.
Years ago I suffered a fractured vertebrae and two crushed discs. The absolute agony of it changed my personality for a while but youth was on my side and I recovered physically and mentally. Aging doesn’t afford one the luxury of time and other people need to recognise that.
Our deepest sympathies and understanding should go out to all concerned.
Alan
You're quite right, that's not at all what I meant. These things can be symptoms of medical conditions that none of us can do anything about and I think we should be very understand of it, difficult though it undoubtedly is.
I will be 70 next birthday and I sometimes feel the Grumpy Old Man developing within me. At least I can recognise it and deal with it, for now. I resent and fight against the mental changes which aging brings; I resent and fight against the physical changes which aging brings; but they are losing battles for many of us.
Years ago I suffered a fractured vertebrae and two crushed discs. The absolute agony of it changed my personality for a while but youth was on my side and I recovered physically and mentally. Aging doesn’t afford one the luxury of time and other people need to recognise that.
Our deepest sympathies and understanding should go out to all concerned.
Alan
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Christine Kenyon
- Posts: 623
- Joined: Sun Sep 19, 2004 10:58 am
- Location: Glenridding, Ullswater Valley, Lake District, UK
- Contact:
Jane, you wrote:
The solution we've found is a company called Wiltshire Foods. They have a good choice of ready meals for a variety of diets and tastes (low fat, gluten free, etc) which order over the phone. The meals are delivered to the door (or if necessary to the freezer) can be microwaved or cooked in the oven. It's still not freshly prepared food but it tastes good and appears to be nutritious.
Hope this might be an option for you.
Given what folk are facing, I hope the following doesn't seem too trite, but my parents were in the same situation - compounded by the fact that my dad is having to cook for the first time after more than 40 years of married life; my mum is an instinctive cook and doesn't know how long it takes to cook broccoli - she just knows when it's ready!!; they like very different meals - pasta versus beef and yorkshire.They are just managing to live in their own home, but don't cook proper meals any more (recent development) and I know Meals on Wheels would be rejected out of hand!
The solution we've found is a company called Wiltshire Foods. They have a good choice of ready meals for a variety of diets and tastes (low fat, gluten free, etc) which order over the phone. The meals are delivered to the door (or if necessary to the freezer) can be microwaved or cooked in the oven. It's still not freshly prepared food but it tastes good and appears to be nutritious.
Hope this might be an option for you.
Christine
holiday cottages in Glenridding, Ullswater
http://www.stybarrowcottage.co.uk
http://www.grisedalelodge.co.uk
http://www.grisedalecottage.co.uk
holiday cottages in Glenridding, Ullswater
http://www.stybarrowcottage.co.uk
http://www.grisedalelodge.co.uk
http://www.grisedalecottage.co.uk
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Giddy Goat
- Posts: 9054
- Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2005 7:38 am
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Fluffy - Baamen to that! I, too have already had a hint of the personal joys to come. On the plus side, it has helped in terms of giving me that extra bit of insight and compassion towards my elders. But this might all go into reverse big time if I had them living with me!
Christine, I've found Wiltshire Foods and have sent off a brochure request, so thank you! For the moment however, they will continue as they are, I suspect. FIL just about manages to drive, still, so like many in this age-group who remain physically fit enough to get out, they do, using 'shopping' as their purpose. To be honest, he needs it for his own sanity! But I suspect they have bacon and eggs more times than it's healthy to ...
Christine, I've found Wiltshire Foods and have sent off a brochure request, so thank you! For the moment however, they will continue as they are, I suspect. FIL just about manages to drive, still, so like many in this age-group who remain physically fit enough to get out, they do, using 'shopping' as their purpose. To be honest, he needs it for his own sanity! But I suspect they have bacon and eggs more times than it's healthy to ...
Last edited by Giddy Goat on Sun Dec 11, 2005 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
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Normandy Cow
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My mother is 85 and physically very frail but not "ill". My father (he's 8 years younger) was doing a good job caring for her until he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year.
He has now moved into a care home and my mother to a retirement flat, both very close to me (they previously lived 3 hours away).
I am finding it very difficult to cope. I left home at 18 (I'm now 44) and we have never been close in a day-to-day sort of way, just phone calls every few days. My mother is very demanding and particular (she's Swiss - enough said!). I get both of them phoning me constantly (my dad sometimes has phases when he calls every 5 minutes, sometimes crying down the phone and if I don't answer I get these heartbreaking voicemail messages). I can't tell you the GUILT!!!!
I have two children (11 and 7), my son has just started at secondary school and is struggling so needs a lot of attention. I also have MS and although not "disabled" I have had to give up work, although that is probably a good thing for my children's sake.
I now feel totally out of control - and it is like I have suddenly got 4 children to look after, only 2 of them are not cute and give me no pleasure in return. Sad thing to say (and the fact that I feel that way just adds to the guilt).
I'm sorry to offload on this forum - a trifle off the subject of holiday rentals - but it has been cathartic to write it down. Please don't feel sorry for me - I am usually a very positive person and I know I will get through this. In the scheme of things I am very lucky - a great husband and children, a lovely holiday home in France, and now having escaped from London, living in a lovely house in the beautiful countryside of East Sussex. There are so many people worse off than me - and I am ALIVE - unlike that poor policewoman who was shot on her daughter's 4th birthday...
He has now moved into a care home and my mother to a retirement flat, both very close to me (they previously lived 3 hours away).
I am finding it very difficult to cope. I left home at 18 (I'm now 44) and we have never been close in a day-to-day sort of way, just phone calls every few days. My mother is very demanding and particular (she's Swiss - enough said!). I get both of them phoning me constantly (my dad sometimes has phases when he calls every 5 minutes, sometimes crying down the phone and if I don't answer I get these heartbreaking voicemail messages). I can't tell you the GUILT!!!!
I have two children (11 and 7), my son has just started at secondary school and is struggling so needs a lot of attention. I also have MS and although not "disabled" I have had to give up work, although that is probably a good thing for my children's sake.
I now feel totally out of control - and it is like I have suddenly got 4 children to look after, only 2 of them are not cute and give me no pleasure in return. Sad thing to say (and the fact that I feel that way just adds to the guilt).
I'm sorry to offload on this forum - a trifle off the subject of holiday rentals - but it has been cathartic to write it down. Please don't feel sorry for me - I am usually a very positive person and I know I will get through this. In the scheme of things I am very lucky - a great husband and children, a lovely holiday home in France, and now having escaped from London, living in a lovely house in the beautiful countryside of East Sussex. There are so many people worse off than me - and I am ALIVE - unlike that poor policewoman who was shot on her daughter's 4th birthday...