Losing Someone

[Big Sis..]

My Mother-in Law Lily, passed away tonight sadly,
She was 86 and had been ill for a while
It was peaceful & we were all there so that was good.

Its strange because we didnt really get on [Ive been married to her son for 32 years]
To be honest she didnt get on with anyone much but hadnt had an easy life as was true of most people of her age.

But I feel abit funny[strange funny] I am sad ,sad for my husband whos lost his mum,sad for my daughters whove have lost both their nannys now.

But mostly sad for the fact that we will never now get on[you always think its going to happen sometime or other]
Sad for things that maybe I could have done[though I did try]

I dont really know what Im trying to say but thought Id like to say something so here it is :

[cromercrabholiday]

It is all so final. We lost a dear friend about a month ago - she was a substitute grandmother for both our kids. Again, she was elderly and it was her time - she had lived in the same house since age three and was fiercely independent but had got beyond the stage of being able to cope some time ago.

Jane keeps thinking - "I'll just give Audrey a ring and tell her about that" and then remembers that she can't. She was very young in spirit with a mischievous sense of humour and I miss her laughter.

John

[Big Sis..]

Hi John,

When Jane wants to tell her something she should ,Im sure she will hear her.[and she wont need the phone]

Im not really, religious but quite a lot of things have happened in the past that Im sure when people have passed they can still connect with you.

Maybe its a bit soon as your still hurting from your loss,but in time Im sure youll hear her laughter again and then youll realise its coming from memories youve treasured within you.

Love to you bothx

[Guest3]

Hi Ros..Sincere condolences to you and your family.
Even though your Mother-in-Law didn't get on with you (and others), your post is very heartfelt. It just shows what a good Daugher-in-Law you are..and unfortunately what she has missed out in gaining a Daughter in her living life.
Well, maybe she's just up there (somewhere) thinking the same thing!

[Big Sis..]

Thanks for that Crystal
We are all going to see Father-in Law today-[hes a love]He doesnt know yet.
He was at the Hospital yesterday but has Alzheimers & it got a bit to much for him so he had to go back to the home[he has severe Alzheimers]
He has his lucid moments though and is a very loving & caring man even [when hes not himself]
He told Lily yesterday to hurry up and get better so they could go a play[not a dry eye...]
Every visit to him starts with hows my mother, father. the all the brothershe did have 4] [he is 87]& each time we tell him[gently] is like the first time hes said it, and heard the bad news that theyve gone.
Then 10 mins later he starts again.
Weve tried sort of fibbing and saying there OK but that doesnt seem right but its hard to see him so upset.
I say Tom how old are you he usually says 87 so I say so your Dad would be about 107 so hes not likely to be here,I say Im 53 and my Dad have passed[Bless Him]
Sometimes he sort of gets it.

Anyway thanks for your kind words Crystal.

[enid]

Deepest sympathy Ros.

Today I will be at the funeral of my neighbour's son wjho died yesterday aged 15 after having spent the last 11 years suffering froma degenerative illness. hard to bury a child.

[Fraise]

Big hugs to everyone! What more can be said? I'm counting my blessings cos I'm back in the UK for the weekend for a family celebration in Devon for my Father's birthday,he will be 80 and when I was growing up he always said he wouldn't reach 40 ! I think his generation saw so much death in the war that they blessed every moment they were here, and sort of wondered why? He fought in WW2 ( a mere boy) and then in Korea. He got demoted twice as he kept giving food to the natives in Korea through their compound! He said they had nothing, we have plenty. Simple hey ? Unsung heroes.

[LaLuz]

My sympathy to both Ros and Enid. Life never really prepares us for death does it?

Ros, you and your mother in law probably got on better than you realise.

Many women of that generation grew up without much, if any positive attention and so they learned to connect with people in a negative way.

They are often critical, can seem quite harsh and cold but the fact that she was like that with most people probably means that she may not have really had the skills to do it any other way!

Despite all your difficulties, remember that you never let the relationship break down completely and I guess that was sometimes not easy.

She probably could see what she was like, even if she could never publicly acknowledge it and didn't know how to do things differently, in which case she would have known your strengths.

[Vally]

Sorry to hear your news..mother-in laws can be difficult, mine was to her other D-I-L's but I determined to break through and we got on well..she has been dead many years now. My parents are 87 alive and well, I am an only child and my dad thinks I am still 6!!!I am not thinking ahead........

[sunny by nature]

Deepest sympathy Ros,

I don't think relationships with MILs are ever straight forward - mine seems to rate my abilities as a wife and mother by the number of times that I wear a skirt rather than trousers.
The very fact that you are able to put the thoughts of her son and grandchildren above those of your own shows that you were the best daughter-in-law she could have hoped for.

My thoughts are with you. Take Care.

[Ciapolin]

I don't think I can add to anything that has been said already, except to say I'm thinkng about both of you.

I was divorced 10 years ago but still kept in touch with my 'out'-laws, even though my husband and I are no longer in contact. My ex-father-in-law died suddenly and unexpectedly last October, and I spent a long time talking to my mother-in-law on the phone, and I would like to think it helped.

I have a good friend whose daughter died at the age of 16 of a brain tumour, and she told me that the worst thing about it was people didn't talk to her - about anything! I never used to know what to say to people in these situations and so didn't, but since speaking to her, I always try to make a point of saying something, no matter how inane.

The worst thing about my father-in-law was that I didn't feel I could go to the funeral - I didn't want to make my ex's new wife feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, this is the long way round of saying I'm tinking of you.

[Mouse]

Ros - condolences to you and your family....and a (((hug))) to get you all through this difficult period.

Mouse
x
p.s. just got back from a short break so sorry I didn't reply earlier - but I just wanted to add my cyber-support

[Big Sis..]

Hi Enid Thanks for that

But it must be worse for you and your neighbour

I dont think I could handle losing a child they would have to carry me off as well.

Tom took it worse than we thought[he understood better than we thought [or hoped he would] and was inconsolable.

Then said that he was "sorry for being a crybaby" and he must see his boys.How were they
Bear in mind Im married to one of his "boys" and hes 57
And that Tom was awarded the DSM from the King for what he did at Dunkirk[which he doesnt mention]

Hardly A Crybaby but a very Brave & Kind Man thinking of others as always ,if only there was more like him & his sort today!

[A-two]

Oh, this is sad! Heartfelt condolences to all who have lost someone close to them. I have been wearing my Australia Zoo T shirt all week as well...

[Big Sis..]

Thanks Mouse
[that hug helped

& everyone Its really helped to chat[sometimes its easier to talk to 'strangers'than to family or friends.]

Especially as theyre going through the pain as well,being frightened of saying the wrong thing sometimes makes you not say anything[which is not one of my usual traits ask my friends!!!!]

I dont really class you as srangers though.[I saw a sign in a hall once and it said
"There are no Strangers here ,only friends we have not met."

Thats sort of how I feel.