Dear Ros,
....this is not meant to sound trite, but maybe this is one of those have-a-serious- hug-with-hubby times... and yes, sit and have a cup of tea together. Won't make the world better, of course, just more bearable.
x Jenny
Losing Someone
Bonfire night tonight...5th November....Remember Remember
My Dads Birthday Bless Him....[his middle name was Guy ...which we didnt know for years & he hated it!!!!!] but he always said Remember Remember..when his Birthday was coming up ....
Lots of Happy memories...
Slipper Baths.....Sitting on his lap when I was much too big.....His voice at the end of the phone....'Hello Darling'
Dad can you do me a favour..He ALWAYS said yes...even before he knew what it was..and he always did it....
Sitting in the snug[quietly] at the back of his Local[ALL the Pubs were his Local] with a packet of crisps and an orange squash...when I was Much to young to be there[and him being the local bobby an all] just made me feel even more special..
Shopping Trips...Pub Lunches....Taking my daughters to get their feet measured and school shoes from Clarks's....[always had to be Clarks's] they had a ride on the large Rocking horse that they had then...while we waited...
chips on the Market with tripe....or cockles on top.....mushy[or farty] peas as they were known in our house...
Large white Linen hankies......Him winding the wool round my hands as he rolled it into balls[he was an avid knitter]
Bassets Liquorice Allsorts[or berties..his name was bert]....Woods Rum....
I like the song in the Living Years...by Mike & the Mechanics but luckily I did tell him & him me...how much I loved him and even if I hadnt he Knew......xxxx
My Dads Birthday Bless Him....[his middle name was Guy ...which we didnt know for years & he hated it!!!!!] but he always said Remember Remember..when his Birthday was coming up ....
Lots of Happy memories...
Slipper Baths.....Sitting on his lap when I was much too big.....His voice at the end of the phone....'Hello Darling'
Dad can you do me a favour..He ALWAYS said yes...even before he knew what it was..and he always did it....
Sitting in the snug[quietly] at the back of his Local[ALL the Pubs were his Local] with a packet of crisps and an orange squash...when I was Much to young to be there[and him being the local bobby an all] just made me feel even more special..
Shopping Trips...Pub Lunches....Taking my daughters to get their feet measured and school shoes from Clarks's....[always had to be Clarks's] they had a ride on the large Rocking horse that they had then...while we waited...
chips on the Market with tripe....or cockles on top.....mushy[or farty] peas as they were known in our house...
Large white Linen hankies......Him winding the wool round my hands as he rolled it into balls[he was an avid knitter]
Bassets Liquorice Allsorts[or berties..his name was bert]....Woods Rum....
I like the song in the Living Years...by Mike & the Mechanics but luckily I did tell him & him me...how much I loved him and even if I hadnt he Knew......xxxx
The Living Years is one of my favorite songs of all time. I saw Paul Carrack live a few years ago at the Leadmill in Sheffield (he's a Sheffield lad), and he & his band played that. I was in absolute floods.
A couple of years ago now, and one of the catalysts in my decision to relocate to France was the loss of my cousin Neil, a very close cousin, almost a brother. He was just 40, had a liver transplant, came out of the op ok, then on New years' Eve he had a stroke and a heart attack. After that he spent almost a year in hospital in a degenerative vegetative state. He died aged 41, leaving behind his 2 kids. His mother died only a year before that. My cousin Martin's daughter Helen was diagnosed with cancer around the same time, and died the same year, aged 13. The day after her 13th birthday. Then another cousin died a week after being wed to his childhood sweetheart, knowing he had a brain tumour. His dad couldn't take the loss of his only son and died a few months later. To top all of this, I went to my sister's wedding in September. On the day after the wedding, I went to hers with wine & beer to be told that another cousin, Matthew had been found dead in bed that morning by his mum (Neil's sister). He'd had cancer of the knee 7 years previously and had been given the all-clear after chemo and an op. Unfortunately the op had left a bloodclot which killed him eventually. He was 23. We've had a crappy few years, and the only reason I'm pouring this all out now is just to get it off my chest. I escaped the UK because I just couldn't take any more bad news. I visited Neil in Jimmys, then DRI for a year, watching him grow weaker and eventually fading away. I've watched my once close family disintegrate, and I couldn't bear to be around.
But, the upshot, and the most positive thing about all this is that life does go on. I've now come to terms with Neil's death, with Stephen, Doug, Helen & Matthew's deaths too. It's made me realise that we're only here for a very short time, and we should all follow our dreams, live the life we choose to the fullest. Every day I think of them, every day I smile. I'll be raising a glass in 5 days time, on the 'phone with my cousin Mark (Neil's brother), wishing Neil a very happy birthday.
Anyway, here's to all of you that have suffered the loss of a dear one. Here's to tomorrow. It does get better.
Cheers.
A couple of years ago now, and one of the catalysts in my decision to relocate to France was the loss of my cousin Neil, a very close cousin, almost a brother. He was just 40, had a liver transplant, came out of the op ok, then on New years' Eve he had a stroke and a heart attack. After that he spent almost a year in hospital in a degenerative vegetative state. He died aged 41, leaving behind his 2 kids. His mother died only a year before that. My cousin Martin's daughter Helen was diagnosed with cancer around the same time, and died the same year, aged 13. The day after her 13th birthday. Then another cousin died a week after being wed to his childhood sweetheart, knowing he had a brain tumour. His dad couldn't take the loss of his only son and died a few months later. To top all of this, I went to my sister's wedding in September. On the day after the wedding, I went to hers with wine & beer to be told that another cousin, Matthew had been found dead in bed that morning by his mum (Neil's sister). He'd had cancer of the knee 7 years previously and had been given the all-clear after chemo and an op. Unfortunately the op had left a bloodclot which killed him eventually. He was 23. We've had a crappy few years, and the only reason I'm pouring this all out now is just to get it off my chest. I escaped the UK because I just couldn't take any more bad news. I visited Neil in Jimmys, then DRI for a year, watching him grow weaker and eventually fading away. I've watched my once close family disintegrate, and I couldn't bear to be around.
But, the upshot, and the most positive thing about all this is that life does go on. I've now come to terms with Neil's death, with Stephen, Doug, Helen & Matthew's deaths too. It's made me realise that we're only here for a very short time, and we should all follow our dreams, live the life we choose to the fullest. Every day I think of them, every day I smile. I'll be raising a glass in 5 days time, on the 'phone with my cousin Mark (Neil's brother), wishing Neil a very happy birthday.
Anyway, here's to all of you that have suffered the loss of a dear one. Here's to tomorrow. It does get better.
Cheers.
Crikey Stu that's a hell of alot of pain in a short period of time but you are right, there is nothing you can do but resolve to make the most of your life and enjoy what you have as opposed to what you have not. 
Don't waste energy on things you can't change.
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
Costa de la Luz apartment rental
www.ownersdirect.co.uk/spain/S5386.htm
Hi Stu & Syb
Thanks for sharing....
Youve had alot to put up with in the last few years and I think we all ought to live the best life we can...in memory to people who have passed who cant...
Just had a nice Lunch with my family reminicing the loss of Grandad and looking forward to my hubbys birthday...
I always felt a connection with you two and maybe thats why.....God Bless and take care...xxx
Thanks for sharing....
Youve had alot to put up with in the last few years and I think we all ought to live the best life we can...in memory to people who have passed who cant...
Just had a nice Lunch with my family reminicing the loss of Grandad and looking forward to my hubbys birthday...
I always felt a connection with you two and maybe thats why.....God Bless and take care...xxx
Cheers both. You know, until I wrote that post, I hadn't realised quite what a crappy couple of years we'd had. It's only when you set things down chronologically that you 'see the wood for the trees', as it were. I never meant to say all that, I feel a tinge of embarrassment now, sorry. I always get a bit maudlin' at this time of year, bear with me?
Nice to see you had a great lunch Ros. Grandad's still alive & well upstairs (in your head, I mean) and still a big part of your lives. Good on you!
Ros, thanks for your sweet words.
Santé!
Nice to see you had a great lunch Ros. Grandad's still alive & well upstairs (in your head, I mean) and still a big part of your lives. Good on you!
Ros, thanks for your sweet words.
Santé!
Glad you feel you can share that with us - sometimes we do need to be able to talk to someone - and here's a place where you can always find someone who understands.
I once heard a story about a man whose wife died and he asked the undertaker to bury her in a very expensive set of silk nightwear. It's a shame to bury that it's so expensive said the undertaker but the man recounted how his wife had had this as a present and had put it in a drawer saving it for the right moment - her death came before she had worn it.
So you were right to leave and start your new life as soon as possible Stu and Syb - wish we'd done it earlier. I'm not saving anything for the right moment - that right moment is right now
I once heard a story about a man whose wife died and he asked the undertaker to bury her in a very expensive set of silk nightwear. It's a shame to bury that it's so expensive said the undertaker but the man recounted how his wife had had this as a present and had put it in a drawer saving it for the right moment - her death came before she had worn it.
So you were right to leave and start your new life as soon as possible Stu and Syb - wish we'd done it earlier. I'm not saving anything for the right moment - that right moment is right now
Stu/Syb dont feel embarassed it was touching reading your story of those that are lost to you.
Life is a once only instance, we somehow come to terms with loss of special people and deal with their loss in any way we can to ease the pain.
My husbands father saw our place progess via video, and passed away before it was finished. His mother travelled over later that same year and was so proud of her son and knew 'dad' saw it. My own mother, who brough me up alone when my father died when I was two; passed away the year before we bought and I know she is watching me now, mum always knew when I did something; even before I told her in my youth.
Life is so precious, live it to the full and enjoy every moment.
Recently we have seen two of our daughters start their own life and feel so proud that they have done so, hoping that what they have learned from us, and our parents, our family, and passed on to them; that you get out there and grab life by the throat, and live it.
Life is a once only instance, we somehow come to terms with loss of special people and deal with their loss in any way we can to ease the pain.
My husbands father saw our place progess via video, and passed away before it was finished. His mother travelled over later that same year and was so proud of her son and knew 'dad' saw it. My own mother, who brough me up alone when my father died when I was two; passed away the year before we bought and I know she is watching me now, mum always knew when I did something; even before I told her in my youth.
Life is so precious, live it to the full and enjoy every moment.
Recently we have seen two of our daughters start their own life and feel so proud that they have done so, hoping that what they have learned from us, and our parents, our family, and passed on to them; that you get out there and grab life by the throat, and live it.
I know. I went to the docs with severe depression last January. She was asking the usual about my immediate family and circumstances and as I told her I said "God, my life sounds like a bad country & western song". I made me smile for a second though.I hadn't realised quite what a crappy couple of years we'd had.
I still grieve for my mam, 8 years this month but when I see Dad going down hill with memory problems I wonder what is for the best. Big hugs to all. x
Hi Soodyer,
Hope youre feeling better now......My Mum died 25yrs ago...didnt always get on..... but it still seems very recent...
My father-in law has alzheimers and the worst bit is when somedays he doesnt know who you are....you visit and hes grateful but it doesnt click...he doesnt say too much as he realises he should know you and doesnt want to upset you..he looks for clues... I usually tell him straight off but then he forgets again...
Other days he knows straight away and we have great chats....but these days are getting fewer and fewer sadly...
As someone was saying on another thread[Enid I think] we need to live for today and make the most of things ...true...
We all need to have the best life that we can in memory of those who are no longer able to. 
Hope youre feeling better now......My Mum died 25yrs ago...didnt always get on..... but it still seems very recent...
My father-in law has alzheimers and the worst bit is when somedays he doesnt know who you are....you visit and hes grateful but it doesnt click...he doesnt say too much as he realises he should know you and doesnt want to upset you..he looks for clues... I usually tell him straight off but then he forgets again...
Other days he knows straight away and we have great chats....but these days are getting fewer and fewer sadly...
As someone was saying on another thread[Enid I think] we need to live for today and make the most of things ...true...
We all need to have the best life that we can in memory of those who are no longer able to.
I remember Mike Rutherford being a guest on GMTV/TVAM many years ago, and an extract from this video being played; when they switched back to the studio their other guest, Rolf Harris, was in floods and again remarked how apt the song was.Ros wrote: I like the song in the Living Years...by Mike & the Mechanics but luckily I did tell him & him me...how much I loved him and even if I hadnt he Knew......xxxx
I can only echo your comments about the sentiments expressed by Enid, very much my philosophy in life now, after a few rough years!
AndyLucia
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!!
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!!
Thanks, I'm tons better now but I'd never felt that bad before and it really knocks you.Hope youre feeling better now......
re Dad. I think he's in the wandering stage tho my brother denies it. Dad didn't have the papers and said the shop wasn't open when he went down. You know what time newsagents open (around 6.am or earlier) so I don't know what time he goes down!
re songs. I fill up when I hear a Salvation Army band at Christmas playing carols or Nick of Time by Bonnie Rait
Lyrics
I see my folks, they're getting old, I watch their bodies change...
I know they see the same in me, And it makes us both feel strange...
No matter how you tell yourself, It's what we all go through...
Those eyes are pretty hard to take when they're staring' back at you.
Scared you'll run out of time